resolute actions

res·o·lute

[rez-uh-loot]

adjective

1. Firmly resolved  or determined; set in purpose or opinion.
2. Characterized by firmness and determination, as the temper, spirit, actions, etc.
I will be the first to admit that at this stage of my life, I am not always good at being truly RESOLUTE. When New Year’s rolls around and I have the chance to set goals for myself, I feel both a sense of opportunity and weary hesitation. The hesitation comes from the part of me that has failed often in my life. I believe with all my heart that those failures have taught me invaluable lessons and made me a much more humble and wise person, but because failure can be painful and embarassing, I am now trying to live in such a way that I don’t…set myself up for it. 😉
I don’t know about you, but New Year’s resolutions often seem to dissolve pretty quickly for most people after the first few weeks, leading to shame or outright ambivalence about making any changes in your life at all. I don’t want to live that way ANYMORE, EVER AGAIN. I recognize now that resolutions dissolve because they are just words, statements of what COULD BE, but to arrive at the goals you have set for yourself requires a great deal of action, action, action and a change in your brain waves that is very challenging to set.
It is both scientific and emotional. When we change our behaviors and adopt new ones, after a few weeks our brain waves actually adjust to our new “ways of being” and create entirely new patterns for us on a daily basis that help us to be new again. Once you get there, you know it because you start to feel a sense of ease about the so called “new behaviors”, and they become second nature. Getting to that point is the hard part. Did I say hard? Oh, I meant seemingly impossible, gut wrenching, mind-effing part, where you go all “counter-intuitive” on yourself, and push through the emotional and physical resistance that is GAURANTEED to show up like a hungry shark to a bleeding surfer!
The emotions that we feel during periods of change are usually a mix of negative and positive, the yin/yang of ourselves in full swing. The negative emotions are oftentimes very strong and tempt us to go back to our old habits for the comfort they provide, deeming the new habits we are trying to establish as IMPOSSIBLE – NOT FOR US – TOO HARD – NOT MEANT TO BE – F**K THIS S**T! – and so on and so forth. That last one is my favorite…the good ole FTS, when I’m really mad about having to change! Sorry if that’s offensive, but it’s real. It enters my brain and comes out of my mouth on occasion. I can be super unclassy at times….cause talking like a pirate makes me feel DANGEROUS. Whapacha!
Tangent.

So. Anyway…

 

At the end of December, I was considering doing a big long New Years post, but decided to take a different approach this time around (based on the above conclusions) and start putting my resolutions into practice and writing about them afterwards.

 

I can readily admit that another one of my personal flaws (this is turning into a confessional!) is having a lot to say about things, but not always moving from the realm of thought to the to the realm of  action.  Enter New Year’s resolution #1:

 

To act on what is important to me and think less about it!

 

I am often “stuck in my head”,  and I want to change that up. I’ve come to realize that thinking all the time and constantly ruminating has only served to make me anxious and more paralyzed as it pertains to making changes. As it pertains to writing depressing and dark poems, being able to check off most of the those little boxes in the “Are You Depressed?” questionnaire at my doctor’s office, and spending vast amounts of time staring out windows, I’m winning!

 

Taking action and getting outside for a walk or run or to a yoga class gets me into my body and closer to what matters! The first RESOLUTE ACTION I took this year (as soon as I was finished vacationing and catching up on missed work) was to purchase a rec centre membership. I was taught how to use the gym circuit so I can work out properly too, which will make a big difference. Also included in my membership are multiple drop in classes for yoga, Zumba, and Pilates, all of which are great for strengthening my core and getting me limbered up. There’s also the pool, hot tub, and sauna! I can get a nice hard work out in and then cool down in the pool, and detox in the steam room. It’s fantastic! I’ve gone twice in the last week, and in the 4 weeks to come (before I relocate YET AGAIN to a different town), I’m going to keep myself acting (exercising) instead of thinking, and get my butt to the rec centre as often as I can!

 

Which brings me to New Year’s resolution #2:

 

To connect powerfully and profoundly to my body .

 

I have spent years being completely disconnected from my body…and not just disconnected, but ashamed and hateful towards it. I have worked through most (not all) of that shame and hatred, and started to connect over the last 2 years, but I still feel that I could be “in” my body more tangibly and that the connection needs to be stronger and more complete.

I believe that practicing yoga is a very fundamental part of that body/mind/heart connection. I have done a few hot yoga classes over the last month, and although my 60-day trial expired, I will be deepening my practice in 2012. The next on my “to-buy” list is a few good yoga books so that I can learn to really understand the principles of it and how to strengthen my practice. I also want to read about breath, because this is one of the most important parts of practicing yoga and connecting with your body – breathing properly! Being a somewhat anxious and over-thinking person, I don’t always breathe deeply and in a connected way. Even with almost 2 years of having practiced yoga (still a beginner), I  haven’t mastered the art of breathing!

New Year’s resolution #3:

Learn to breathe myself to life and health.

I need to find that good breath, the one that goes really deep and cleanses you all through the day and night. I know without a doubt that this one resolution in itself will have a powerful impact on me in 2012.

So, to sum up the RESOLUTE ACTIONS I tend to take this year,  I will…

Act on my thoughts.

Think less about acting.

Connect to my body.

Breathe deeper and deeper.

I know I can do it. I know I want to change my brainwaves and fight a good fight. I know that 2012 is going to be an absolutely amazing year for this girl.

Thanks for reading, friends. Feel free to hold me to the contents of this post!

Ovr’N’Out

Amber

(still 172 lb, btw!)