Well, I was brave enough to weigh myself last night, and I am down 3 lbs since last Monday! It has been a very intense time for me with a very close family member becoming quite seriously ill, and I’ve been struggling to make health (my own health!) a priority. But, over the past five days my food choices have been very healthy and nutritious, and I’ve gone back to the gym. And…although it is just a small thing…I’ve started to do some yoga poses on my own at night. Not able to go back to Bikram’s yet until things calm down a bit for me, but even just a few stretches at night is helping me sleep well and giving me a little bit of a body high. Yoga is truly amazing.
Okay, so I’m going to get deep here for a minute. Sorry…bear with me.
Today I feel humbled. It’s not a word I often hear used, but I feel it today. Strongly. I am learning more about myself at this stage of my life than ever before, and at a very rapid pace. It is painful. I have made and continue to make mistakes that have consequences. I am having to let go of many things and people that I care deeply about and feel I “need” in order to maintain my autonomy and emotional health. I am having to look at the significant emotional deficiencies in my life so that I may find a way to replenish them from a healthy source. And amidst all of this, I am also learning how to be quiet, to hold my truths close to myself, my heart, and allow life and time to do its work without kicking and screaming, without demanding to be comforted.
I know I am getting closer to a place of peace with myself and others, and a renewed sense of purpose. It has been a dark part of the journey where purpose has been elusive to me. But with the spring, and the new flowers blossoming up in the weeks to come, I think I am going to be blossoming up as well, finding my colours again, and living out my beauty. And another important truth — weight loss is just one small part of that. Beauty and significance is the ultimate part.
I believe that the people who have the most challenges and personal battles to fight, end up being the strongest in the end. I’ve always been strong, but now I feel like I will be strong and full of peace and understanding too. Strength without peace can be miserable, let me tell you!
I’m going to do something I’ve never done on this blog now….share a song I wrote and recorded with my dad a while back. This is a rough recording, an unrehearsed song, but I want to share it anyway. It is my truth. My journey. Life is, after all, something we must go through unrehearsed. 😉