When it rains…it pours.

I don’t usually title my blog posts with old adages, but in this instance, I couldn’t think of anything more fitting!

Friends, my life feels really hard and sad right now for various reasons.  I can’t go into all of them because they are much too personal and hard to really express accurately in writing anyway.  But, because of them,  I am struggling to keep my motivation to be healthy and take care of myself.

Once again, as I’ve written about in previous posts, there is an unfortunate confusion of priorities that happens when I get stressed out and overwhelmed.  I begin to feel as if exercise takes too much energy, and planning and preparing healthy meals takes too much energy, and staying positives takes…well…to much bloody energy!   If I were able to do these things, I’d probably end up feeling better sooner, but I am NOT able right now.  Well, at least it *feels* like I’m not.

I looked at myself in the mirror this morning, knowing that I’ve put on weight in the past few weeks and felt like yelling and screaming and smashing something.  But, I’m not a little kid anymore, and throwing tantrums just isn’t going to cut it in terms of long-term, realistic progress.  And I KNOW that progress has a lot more to do with starting again as many times as you need to instead of giving up when things are hard.

So.  I suppose I’m  just venting at the moment.  I’m telling you that I feel sad and lonely and the proverbial “weight of the world” on my shoulders.  I am not giving up, but I don’t feel much else right now aside from…

THIS FEELS REALLY F**KING HARD !

I’m not giong to fail at weight loss because of a bad couple of weeks, though.  Tonight I will think of some small things I can do to start picking myself up and getting back on the straight and narrow.   I’m already realizing that I need to buy produce more often, because I keep running out of  fresh veggies and fruit and then opting for less healthy foods.

If you have any suggestions, please feel free to comment or email me!  I need some outside motivation, because I am too internally crowded with other stuff to be able to figure it out on my own.

Thanks for hearing me out.  Maybe that’s all I need…to be honest and take it day by day.

Over’N’Out

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