I mentioned in my last post that I had a new bathing suit (aka living-nightmare suit) bought for me that I was planning on wearing for the first time last weekend, and how nervous I was about it! I don’t like to show skin in public. It has a lot to do with embarrassment, hurt, and insecurity that has built up over many years of being overweight, but since I am moving towards a new me and wanting to let go of the old me, I felt it was time to face that fear…and I did it! 🙂
I’m sorry that I don’t have pictures to post yet, as promised. I actually forgot to bring my phone with me to the pool (which is what I use as a camera). I am going to put the bathing suit on tonight though and take a picture to add in another post!
Anyway, I went to the public pool with M on Saturday night and actually had a lot of fun! Initially there was some anxiety when I got into the change room and realized there were no “private” areas to change, but I found a big bathroom stall and changed there instead. Also, I have a (self-diagnosed) mild case of OCD, and the wet, dirty floor of the changeroom covered in hair and other undesirable debris added to my anxiety a bit. But, I pushed past it, put on the two piece, and walked out into the pool area with M trying to keep a clear head and remember that my insecurity was not allowed to control me anymore. We went in the whirlpool first, which was super hot and felt sooo yummy on my sore muscles. Then we dove into the deep end of the pool and played around like kids for a while. I did handstands and somersaults and swam like a fish, and M put me on his back and swam me around the pool. Truly getting in touch with that inner child that loves to be acknowledged and let out to play from time to time! The only “fail” of the whole scenario was that my bathing suit top was actually TOO BIG once wet, and it was sliding off my shoulders and off my chest. There were a few near nip slips which I was conscientiously trying to stay on top of. I’m going to need to shorten the straps of the bathing suit top or buy a new one! Still haven’t made up my mind.
Oh, and the second fail was accidentally smashing my face into M’s knee when I was coming out of a handstand. Ouch. Still have a bit of a gooseegg. It was all totally worth it though.
I almost feel silly now for how anxious and worked up I was about the whole thing. Goes to show you how your insecurities can paint a very bleak and scary picture, which is soo far off the mark. I don’t want to be prevented from doing anything I enjoy any more because of that. So…I just won’t!
I feel so good today for facing my fear, and I’m actually excited about our next trip to the public pool. 🙂
Picture will follow!