Amber — D-day jog

Well, I dee-kalare!

I, AMBER, got up at 5:30 am this morning and met SAWB for a 2 km morning jog!  It was incredibly beautiful…the birds were literally singing, there was a gentle rain falling, and cherry blossoms everywhere decorating our path.  The smell was unbelievable.

I feel amazing right now.  Jogging is my new best friend.  Seriously.

Oh, and also, I’m getting *officially* divorced today.  My Ex and I are meeting for coffee and heading to the court house to Git. Er. Duuunnne.  It’s D-day people. The final steps in a long process.  It’s almost all over, and I made it “to the other side”.

I wrote an email to a wonderful friend this morning explaining how I feel about it…here is a revamped, blog-appropriate version.

I feel really good about this, Friend X.  It’s hard to explain.  There is the bittersweetness, of course, which comes from seeing the birds-eye view now.  I know that Ex and I had the best intentions of loving each other well when we were 19 and 20 years old, and those two people we used to be really did try hard to be a bona fide married couple.  Unfortunately, as it goes in this life that makes no guarantees, that was never going to be enough for us because of how incompatible our personalities are.  We didn’t understand how important that was at the time – our ‘ideals’ kept us pushing against an immovable wall.  That, to me, is sad.  I’m glad I found enough courage within myself to stop pushing against it and search for a whole new path for myself instead.

I have such a strong sense of this being “right” and there is this elation, this sense of freedom – I have made a full circle return to myself.  I am happier, healthier, stronger and clearer than I have ever been in my entire life. I never imagined I would get here…

There you have it.  I never imagined I would get here.  But I did.

There is a song that has been pivotal for me in this divorce process.  David Gray’s Shine.

Ex will never read this blog, but I would like to dedicate this to him anyway.

Dear Ex.  Thank you for all the good times.  Thank you for your friendship.  I will never forget you.  I will never regret you…
Shine

By David Gray

I can see it in your eyes
What I know in my heart is true
That our love it has faded
Like the summer run through
So we’ll walk down the shoreline
One last time together
Feel the wind blow our wanderin’ hearts
Like a feather
But who knows what’s waiting
In the wings of time
Dry your eyes
We gotta go where we can shine

Don’t be hiding in sorrow
Or clinging to the past
With your beauty so precious
And the season so fast
No matter how cold the horizon appear
Or how far the first night
When I held you near
You gotta rise from these ashes
Like a bird of flame
Step out of the shadow
We’ve gotta go where we can shine

For all that we struggle
For all we pretend
It don’t come down to nothing
Except love in the end
And ours is a road
That is strewn with goodbyes
But as it unfolds
As it all unwinds
Remember your soul is the one thing
You can’t compromise
Take my hand
We’re gonna go where we can shine
We’re gonna go where we can shine
We’re gonna go where we can shine



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One thought on “Amber — D-day jog

  1. Big hugs!! You had me worried for a quite a while, being on the outside but knowing something was wrong. I’ve wished I could spare your heart that pain of separation and divorce, but I think you know better than I do how pain can be transformed. Not to say I am endorsing divorce, but when life HAS to go on, plan B can be more beautiful if cared for delicately. You are always loved.

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